Month: September 2013

Excerpts and Info

Welcome to the blog for the serial memoir, THE SEX LIFE OF ANDY ASHLING. BE SURE TO CHECK THE ARCHIVES ON THE RIGHT. That’s where you’ll find excerpts from all the episodes (eventually) and any promotions. The NEWEST EXCERPT is below. All the new Andy Ashling info can be obtained here. Andy’s books are available wherever eBooks are sold. Episodes 1-8 are available on They and all future episodes will continue to be available at Amazon, but are being published through Penguin Books’ e-Publisher Book Country.


I wake in the middle of the night one evening and start masturbating in bed. As orgasm approaches, I can feel something wanting to come through my dick, and I panic. What if I shoot white sticky goo on the ceiling and it splatters all over the bed and walls? I pinch the tip of my penis and run with it throbbing, threatening to explode in my hands, to the bathroom down the hall. Thank God, I’m the only one up at this hour.

Bending forward toward the toilet bowl, I force my erection down, release my grip at its end praying the spray won’t blow all the water out and soak the bathroom. How will I explain that? But the sensation stops. Nothing shoots out. I squeeze my penis, like I would a tube of toothpaste, from the bottom end to the tip. A pea-sized amount of sticky, creamy stuff oozes out. It’s elastic like snot, and I stretch it between my forefinger and thumb. So this is it? No big explosion? No gusher of milky goop all over everything? The blond kid lied, but it doesn’t surprise me. He’s goofy anyway, putting his dick in assholes and licking butts.

I keep masturbating every day, mornings and evenings during school days; and then mornings, afternoons, and evenings on the weekends. I beat off to pictures of women in panties and bras in Sears and Roebuck and Montgomery Ward catalogs. When I see a pretty actress on TV, I get excited trying to look down her blouse.

The Warrenton Circle Jerks